A Healing Apology To The Divine Man

As I journey ever deeper into my heart there are somethings that I must release. Realisations, pains, blocks and judgments that I must let go of. I apologise for every wrong doing. In this declaration, I brutally express my apology to all men who have graced my journey so far – past and present.

To you – Grandfathers, Dad, brothers, lovers, all family members, boyfriends, friends, soulmates, colleagues, classmates, crushes, clients, business associates and strangers. 

I’m sorry for the times when I hurt you, causing you mental, physical and emotional pain. It was me that was the problem not you. I apologise for not seeing you, hearing you, listening to you or holding space for you to express yourself. For putting you down when I should have built you up. For snapping, shouting, emasculating, judging, presuming, bruising (physically and with words) and for not being there for you when you really needed me. I’m sorry, please forgive me.

I’m sorry for not seeing you, the real you inside, the pure essence of your beauty. There were times when I should have bared witness to you trying, but instead, I carried on in my own world, failing to see your truth.

I’m sorry for taking it out on you when it wasn’t your fault, when you were only trying to help. For the unnecessary disagreements, that spiralled into an argument or that resulted in us falling out. I don’t know why I found it hard to see that you only had my best interests at heart, nurturing my soul ensuring of my divine success. I don’t know why I rejected your words – from the deepest part of my heart, I’m sorry, please forgive me.

I’m sorry for not acknowledging you and praising your good work. Instead I rained on your parade in a bid to unconsciously bring you down to my level. I was hurting, please forgive me. 

I’m sorry for not trusting you, caring for you, loving you, nurturing you, and being there for you in times of need – I didn’t hear your silent cries. Sorry for looking at you merely as a pound sign instead of a man. For using and abusing you, ignoring you, manipulating you and for luring you into opening your wallet. I am sorry for abusing your trust.

I’m sorry for dismissing you, blaming you, cursing you, stabbing you in the back, lying to you, for causing you misery instead of happiness and for ignoring you when I knew that you felt alone inside.  Please forgive me for the times when I rejected your attempts to make things fun and for blocking laughter because I felt fear inside – It wasn’t you, it was me. I’m sorry, please forgive me.

I’m sorry for stealing from you. My deceit towards you was unnecessary, I wasn’t confident enough to stand in my own truth. Please forgive me, I am confident now. Not only did I take from you physically, but energetically also when I should have given to you. I’m sorry for closing myself off when all you wanted was to connect with me and hold me. I am deeply sorry for repeatedly disconnecting from you and for not making myself available to you. I was confused and unconsciously afraid that you would hurt me. But just so you know, all I wanted was your closeness.

I’m sorry for walking passed you without smiling or asking how you day was. I’m sorry, please forgive me.

I’m sorry for the times when all you wanted was a friend and I was too wrapped up in my own stuff to meet you in friendship. And for the times when you really tried to make things special. Please forgive me for not appreciating your efforts.

For everything that has gone unsaid, unnoticed and unwitnessed – I’m sorry. I send my love to you and ask for your forgiveness. Thank you for being part of my journey and for sharing a part of you with me. I love and honour you as a being of this planet.

Thank you divine masculine x

#innerpeacetotruelove #mydivineapology


True Beauty and Inner Riches

These words came to me late one night whilst reflecting over the journey that I’m on – becoming my true authentic self. x



The Pressures of Becoming Real

Continuously Awakening

5 years I’ve been on this healing journey and its just as difficult today as it was when I first started. The blockage that sits in my solar plexus preventing me from transitioning into love and light, thinks that it is protecting me, but in essence it’s holding me back. The resistance of stepping into to my true form is ever present today. My whole life has seen my heart reside within a fortress, with walls so thick that I don’t even fully understand all that lies within. But in there I feel freedom, peace, love and light just waiting to dance amongst life.

I know what I want, how I want to act and who I’d like to be, but breaking free from the behaviours that no longer serve me is tough. I want love, but am too afraid to show it, I want laughter but am too afraid to enjoy the present, but most of all I want to dance with the flow of life but feel bound by social conditioning that controls my actions.

Is this the storm before the glorious sunshine.

As the deep transformation accelerates, I know that I am leaving behind my old ways. The walls of my fortress are crumbling away and the treasures that lay beneath the surface are becoming exposed. I feel like a rocket re-entering the earths atmosphere, vulnerable, unsure and afraid of failure. Like a child experiencing for the first time, how do I walk, talk, act and be?

The cogs of my lock are coming into alignment – click, click, click. The door is about to open and the rainbow of light is ready to dance.


Quote: Build ‘You’ Up

I’ve noticed that we often try and silence ourselves in an effort to fit in and be accepted. And so many of us brush off nice comments from others. Now is the time to build ‘you’ up. Love yourself first, accept praise and fill yourself to the brim with self love.


Why Girls Shouldn’t Give It Up Too Easy

Don’t Kiss All The Boys

Over the course of last year I can count on one hand (with some fingers left over) how many men I kissed and had sex with. In everyday life that would be quite sad, right? But not in my world. Just like when I decided to give up meat, it was the build up of information I received prior to that, that allowed me to eduction myself enough to make a conscious decision and it’s the same when it comes to sex. I’ve lived blinded from the age of 16 when I lost my virginity to 28 when I stopped giving it up so easily. I kissed many boys (as you do when you’re young), dated endlessly in my 20’s and experienced variations of – sleeping with a guy because I had too much alcohol, to, having sex thinking that was The One – and everything in between. But one thing I didn’t realise was the lasting effects that having intercourse has and the factors that are beyond what we can see/recognise, that play an equally big part to why we shouldn’t hand it to guys on a plate. These include – energy exchange, DNA, dark entities, allergies and the obvious one STD’s, which are all important factors that go untalked about as we plod through our lives.

Did you know that when you have sex with someone you stay energetically attached to them for up to 6 years? WOW!! Just think of all the people that you’ve slept with in the last 5 years and how much energetic debris is lingering around in your aura. Not to mention dark entities that could of jumped from them to you, that may explain any unexpected low feelings, binge drinking, anger or sadness. You just don’t know what the other person is carrying around with them. And this is exactly why I’ve not been giving it up so easily over the last few years. That, and the fact that we live in a masculine world that is no longer serving us. Men rule whether we know it or not and their reign has gotten us to this point in evolution, but it’s now time for women to find themselves, drop into their Goddess energy, harmonise the planet and nurture men to be the Gods that they are so capable of. But this can’t happen if women are unconsciously having sex willy nilly (for whatever reason) and we continue living this way. Wouldn’t we love for all men to be real men? Caring, honest, loyal, sensitive and romantic, yet strong logical providers that hold a loving space for us regardless whether they’re single, married, divorced or celibate. Yet if we keep surrendering to their trouser brain mentality, we’ll be stuck in this pickle forever. Can you see where I’m going with it?

Taking control and not giving in to your sexual desires (and their sexual desires) can have ripple effects far beyond what you can even imagine. Ok, so it won’t solve all of the world problems, but it will definitely assist the work that’s being done already – with people generally starting to care more for themselves, each other and the planet. And it will 100% help men understand the difference between their downstairs brain and their real brain on a subconscious level, so that (if anything else) they treat us better. Women need to become the non egoic leaders. We are mentally and physically strong with untapped capabilities far beyond what we know and together we can help make that difference, one small conscious decision at a time.





Slavery Still Exits

The deepest form of conditioning….

Are those working hard, 40 hrs a week, to fulfil somebody else’s dream?

Only having 1 or 2 holidays a year?

Finding enjoyment in alcohol?

Having little time to do the things they really enjoy?

Who think that’s just the way life is?
Well it isn’t, slavery still exits.

Figure out your dreams,


Decide how you spend your days,

Recycle, reuse, regift and stop wasting,

With the money saved…..

Take one day off a month,

spending it how you like,

doing things that make you happy,

working towards your dreams.

YOUR journey starts now.

Why Some Relationships Don’t Work Out

Relationships: Problems, Healing And Searching

I was approached by a couple the other day after they heard (through a friend) about my journey and what I believe in – a self healing journey that leads to a soulmate relationship. I was deeply moved by the couples commitment to each other and their willingness to deepen the relationship, after recently admitting that things weren’t working out. It was so brave of them to come out and say this after being together 2.5years, but the biggest thing that shocked me, was the fact that they could identify with their problems and be honest with themselves enough to say let’s try work it out. The couple went on to say that their relationship had reached great difficulties, they’d lost their connection due to arguments and Chris (not his real name but the husband) had started to look to other women for attention. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard and witnessed relationships like this – including my own past relationships. So often we enter into a relationship and things are great for awhile. Then when our hormones rebalance (after spending months synced in deep lust) and the intensity of the connection begins to wane, we fine ourselves stressed and arguing over irrelevant little things.

I feel the reason why this happens in so many relationships, is because we haven’t yet dealt with issues from our past. I discovered somewhere near the start of my deep healing (after unraveling who I really am) that there were 2-3 root causes that drove all of my behaviour. These root causes were responsible for my moods, character, ability to love, trust, work, approach to money, insecurities, happiness, who I chose to be with…..EVERYTHING, even down to the clothes I wore each day. But what I also realised is that every one of my root causing problems stemmed from my childhood and after a little more digging/unraveling, some were even ancestral patterns passed down which no longer serve me in todays modern world. What a discovery! Everything that we experience as children (good or not so good), builds our character, defines us and shapes us into the adult that we are today. And when we fail to make a conscious effort to heal our past (whether traumatic or mini school) our issues eventually resurface, preventing us from being able to sort out relationship problems amicably; hence why Chris and Angela can’t get past the difficulties within their relationship. Our past well and truly determines our future.

‘Just like a pressure cooker, everything that goes in, must come out.’ – Me

Through Chris and Angela’s story it has made me realise that, as difficult as this healing inner peace journey is, it’s one of the best things that I’ve ever done. I now feel peaceful and secure inside, where before there was sadness. I now know who I really am and what my soul looks like. I’ve reached new depths of love within my being and it’s only now that I can resume my soulmate search.

#innerpeacetotruelove 7



Strangers and Dating

How talking to strangers can directly benefit my love life

Whether you want to call it a closed hearted, lack of social skills or insecurity, the fact is, we walk past hundreds of people everyday day and ignore everyone one of them. But I’m beginning to realise how this has a knock on effect on dating. Recently I’ve become aware of the awkwardness we show around people that we don’t know- the people on the bus, in the gym, next to us in the queue – we ignore everyone around us. But why? I know that for me it boils down to lack of self confidence, fear of judgement and simply the fear of the unknown. I feel all sorts of uncomfortable with a hint of shyness when having to start (or instigate) a conversation with somebody that I have no idea where they’re from, what they like and how they’ll react to my random conversation(s). It’s strange that most of us feel this way, because human interaction is the most natural thing alive. But if it’s so natural, why don’t we like doing it?

#innerpeacetotruelove 19

After analysing afew months of my behaviour (and others) I began to realise that closing ourselves off to others, stunts us in so many other areas in life and can often make us miss opportunities that are presented before us. Here’s an example: I’m living my normal life (rarely speaking to anyone I see) when I see a nice looking chap standing before me in a queue. I internalise starting a conversation, us smiling at each other and maybe one of us asking the other out before we go our separate ways. Then, a sudden flash of fear washes over me and I have a second mental thought of him ignoring me and his girlfriend walking over. Now, if I was in the habit of talking to strangers and starting beautifully random conversations with people from all walks of life – aswell as living my ‘Don’t judge’ approach to life – how much easier would sparking up a conversation with hotstuff be. I’d use my self confidence, experience and new found social skills to follow my heart to which ever person it took me too. And if he did so happen to have a girlfriend, she’d smile and honour the courage it took for me to speak out, understanding that I too am on my quest for love.

I’m not saying that we’re all socially inept, but in general, we’re all so afraid to speak to strangers. Is this because our parents once told us that speaking to strangers was forbidden and it’s stuck with us ever since? I’m not, sure but I’m so sure that if we all got used to speaking to people we don’t know more often, it would have a positive impact and a direct effect on our single life. There’d be more opportunity, with the probability of meeting someone being significantly increased.

#innerpeacetotruelove 20

I would class myself as confident in other areas of my life but not this one. I can talk to shop assistants and respond naturally to someone asking for directions or about something I’m wearing, but anything beyond this drifts out of my comfort zone. As part of my New Year’s resolution I’m going to try talking more when I’m out and about to see what happens. Imagine if we all made a conscious movement towards showing warmth towards strangers and engaging in smiles, laughter and nice (random) conversations. Imagine after afew times practising how confident we’d feel approaching the opposite sex. Imagine that no one would care about the embarrassment/shame of what might be. Imagine there was no judgement from the receiver of our spontaneity. Imagine the possibilities.

Food for thought

#innerpeacetotruelove   #strangersdating