Spiritual and Single
I’ve been single the best part of 6-7 years and could write a best selling book on my love life over that time. There’s really not much that I haven’t done and I would go as far to say that I’ve had a pretty exciting life in the process. I’ve dated handfuls of guys along the way and had an amazing 18 month uncommitted love romance, but yet I still haven’t had an actual boyfriend in years. Why is this? I don’t think I’m unattractive, I don’t have any problems conversing and I don’t live in the middle of nowhere, where there’s no men around. So why have I been single all this time? Well, for the first 2 years, I absolutely loved being single. I had no one to answer to, I moved to Spain and I could actually have guy friends without getting the third degree from my unhinged ex. I felt free and had endless amounts of fun with my friends. I dated until it came out of my ears and sometimes went on a date just because I could – A girls got to eat right? (that used to be my motto). I went on dates just for the hell of it, but in the back of my mind I did hope to meet that special someone – which girl wouldn’t.
The second phase of my single period I decided that it was time start properly looking. I wanted to settle down, I missed cuddles and having that special someone around. Nights in alone, no one to share my bed with and no one to hold hands with as I walked the streets wasn’t something I wanted to do anymore. It was time to start looking, so I decided to join afew dating sites. I looked high and low but as I was looking, experiencing and dating, I was growing, learning and changing. The more I dated the more I realised who I didn’t want, but who was it that I was looking for? Which man did I really want? I went on site after site, date after date, become reacquainted with long lost flings and had my eye open for every potential opportunity of meeting my future life partner; but still it seemed like a distant dream. At the same time as gaining the experience, my soul was beginning to awaken. Side by side I was searching for love, but starting to discover self-love. It felt like the more I looked the further away the dream become. How was that possible? Surely I should be closer than ever after exhausting so many avenues, surely the one that I’ve been searching for should be right around the corner. But the more I started to awaken, the more unconscious behaviour in guys became unattractive. I started to really understand what type of man I wanted, because I started to understand who I really was as a person, what I really liked and what I really believed in. The more I fell into myself, the more looking for my perfect guy was like looking for a needle in a hay stack. I wanted it all – the ambitious successful business man, middle-aged, wise, humble, down to earth, good dress sense, well-groomed, had a nice car/house, liked to travel, was kind, had a big heart, was loving, had good morals, wanted to have a family, respected others (and himself) – the list really was endless. But one thing I couldn’t do was settle for something less than what I wanted.
The third phase of my single life is playing out right now and it’s the me that’s fully conscious who is looking for love. I live my days as a Spiritual 30yr old, who is healing everyday, constantly going deep and still longing for than special someone. I’ve read lots of articles saying that women (and men) shouldn’t be so fussy, we shouldn’t have long lists and demands. But as a conscious female wanting to commit, I feel that rule only applies to those who are still asleep (not Spiritually awakened). How can I possibly settle for something I only half want, something less that I deserve or compromise on half of my desires because someone not living my life said I shouldn’t be so fussy? Over the last 2-3 years, time and time again I hear of people in relationships that aren’t happy, see a rise in divorce rates and men and women cheating because they’re dissatisfied. Are these the people that settled in the hope that things would be ok down the line? Maybe so, but this isn’t something that I’m prepared to do. I know in my heart that the love that I have in side and the work that I have done on myself, will be reciprocated in some way shape or form by the man of my dreams – the man that I am holding out for. I don’t just want the mediocre relationship that ends with us existing in the same house having grown apart. I don’t want to become 2 strangers living side by side under one roof who only have sex once a month. I want that spark, that chemistry, that romance from the beginning right the way through. I want the laughter, the passion and the deep connection. Do I believe all this is all possible? Hell yes, and this is what I will not settle for until I find it. I believe this is all possible and more, when two awakened compatible hearts find one another. I’m a big believer of divine timing, but how could I know what I really wanted without embarking on the journey of experience, self discovery, learning and growth. If I didn’t move to Marbella how would I have got what I needed out of my system and know that I didn’t want to be a Sugarbabe. If I didn’t find myself, how would I know who I really was and the depths of love I’d like to share with my future partner. And if I didn’t take the plunge and travel the world, how would I know that I’d like my ideal man to also like travelling, be humble and be business minded.
It’s a tough but exciting life being Spiritual and single. At times it’s frustrating and lonely but most of the time I feel excited knowing that the relationship I desire and more, is out there waiting for me. This blog is to share my journey on the path of finding myself, right through to finding ‘the one’ and experiencing blissful states of happiness within a relationship. I can’t wait to share more of my journey with you as it unfolds.
Until next time….xXx