The Pressures of Becoming Real

Continuously Awakening

5 years I’ve been on this healing journey and its just as difficult today as it was when I first started. The blockage that sits in my solar plexus preventing me from transitioning into love and light, thinks that it is protecting me, but in essence it’s holding me back. The resistance of stepping into to my true form is ever present today. My whole life has seen my heart reside within a fortress, with walls so thick that I don’t even fully understand all that lies within. But in there I feel freedom, peace, love and light just waiting to dance amongst life.

I know what I want, how I want to act and who I’d like to be, but breaking free from the behaviours that no longer serve me is tough. I want love, but am too afraid to show it, I want laughter but am too afraid to enjoy the present, but most of all I want to dance with the flow of life but feel bound by social conditioning that controls my actions.

Is this the storm before the glorious sunshine.

As the deep transformation accelerates, I know that I am leaving behind my old ways. The walls of my fortress are crumbling away and the treasures that lay beneath the surface are becoming exposed. I feel like a rocket re-entering the earths atmosphere, vulnerable, unsure and afraid of failure. Like a child experiencing for the first time, how do I walk, talk, act and be?

The cogs of my lock are coming into alignment – click, click, click. The door is about to open and the rainbow of light is ready to dance.



Relationships: Hearing The Truth

Honour and Receive

This morning my mind pondered over random experiences and situations throughout my adult life, where I exchanged open dialog with friends and family members. Some things were funny, some painful and other situations that had made me angry, but one thing that I realised, was that I’ve not always been able to honour and receive comments that I deemed painful or judgement to me. What I mean by this is, sometimes when a person has told me something that felt like a puncture to my heart or ego, I wasn’t able to receive the information correctly because I felt upset, hurt or angry. No matter how they delivered it (whether nicely or from their ego or hurt) the information would always have been the same. But the way I received it would of depended on afew different things, such as – how critical is was, what dent it left in my ego and how rubbish it made me feel. If someone is telling me something for my best interest and I can’t receive their words (without responding from my ego to protect my heart), then how can I fully understand what they’re trying to tell me. Here’s a good example of this….I was having a conversation with a close friend last night and he said, from what I know of you, I’m not sure you’re ready to give the right man what is needed from you to have a good relationship. Now afew years ago (or even months) I would of interrupted him before he’d finshed and fired back something with alittle attitude to proetect my crushed (omg I’m not good enough) feelings. But instead, I just sat listened and agreed, as I knew that he was right. I was able to do this because, in my own time I’d already came to this realisation some months before (through the inner healing that I’m doing) and because I’m learning how to truly listen, honour and receive what I’m being told. It’s a difficult situation to be in and equally difficult to do, but now that I’m able to pratise this, something truly beautiful is able to unfold. I’m able to know what it feels like to listen from calmness within and have the time to hear what is being said. I can internalise the words and respond from a place of stillness. And I can honour that persons courage to speak their truth and deliver words that will help me in the present moment or in the future.

Honour and receive can play out in all aspects of life and any form of relationship, whether it be with a brother/sister/parent, a shop assistant or stranger and even with a not so nice work collegue or a new date. No matter what is being said plesant or hurtful, by each person(s) reciprocating the act of ‘Honour and Receive’ life changing patterns, feelings and behaviours can begin to transpire.


The Story Of Fear

This time last year I was going through a very difficult time and one morning in the midst of deep emotion, this story came to me. I observed it in my mind as the story played out, as it I was an on looker to my own thoughts. When it finished, I felt so moved by what I’d seen, I wanted to write it down, word for word, just as it happened in my visions. And this is the story. I named it The Story Of Fear, as this it what it’s about. ‘being’ free from fearing the world. Enjoy x


There was a massive brown bull stood in a field with a lead around its neck,

The angel said to the woman, stand close to the bull and hold on to its lead,

She hesitated. But what if the bull bites me, she said.

But what if it’s the friendliest bull in the world, said the angel.

I’m scared she said.

If the bull senses fear it may bite you, but if it senses joy it may not,

But how will you know unless you try, said the angel.

But it could kick me, trample me or even kill me, she said.

Or it could lick you to death, kiss you and be your best friend for life, helping you and guiding you along the way.



You must let go of fearing life, you must enjoy in, take each day as it comes.

Learn from the bad and enjoy the good.

Challenges along the way are not down to the world being against you or the bull biting you for no reason.

Things happen to allow you to grow.

When you relax things start to happen and beautiful things unfold in front of your very eyes.

Now go, hold the bull free from fear with love and joy in your heart.

The bull represents life, make friends with it, enjoy it, listen to it, see it, feel it, but most of all do not fear it.

Always remember the bull is your friend, love it, take care of it and cause it no harm.

You and the bull can walk together side by side, if you let it.