These words came to me late one night whilst reflecting over the journey that I’m on – becoming my true authentic self. x
These words came to me late one night whilst reflecting over the journey that I’m on – becoming my true authentic self. x
5 years I’ve been on this healing journey and its just as difficult today as it was when I first started. The blockage that sits in my solar plexus preventing me from transitioning into love and light, thinks that it is protecting me, but in essence it’s holding me back. The resistance of stepping into to my true form is ever present today. My whole life has seen my heart reside within a fortress, with walls so thick that I don’t even fully understand all that lies within. But in there I feel freedom, peace, love and light just waiting to dance amongst life.
I know what I want, how I want to act and who I’d like to be, but breaking free from the behaviours that no longer serve me is tough. I want love, but am too afraid to show it, I want laughter but am too afraid to enjoy the present, but most of all I want to dance with the flow of life but feel bound by social conditioning that controls my actions.
Is this the storm before the glorious sunshine.
As the deep transformation accelerates, I know that I am leaving behind my old ways. The walls of my fortress are crumbling away and the treasures that lay beneath the surface are becoming exposed. I feel like a rocket re-entering the earths atmosphere, vulnerable, unsure and afraid of failure. Like a child experiencing for the first time, how do I walk, talk, act and be?
The cogs of my lock are coming into alignment – click, click, click. The door is about to open and the rainbow of light is ready to dance.
I found this article a really interesting read about the difference between relationships and partnerships. I feel a partnership is part of a soulmate relationship and anyone who has one, is truly blessed.
‘Relationships are like creme brulee, if you don’t have the patience and experience, there’s just no holding it together.’ – I love this quote from the article.
Over the course of last year I can count on one hand (with some fingers left over) how many men I kissed and had sex with. In everyday life that would be quite sad, right? But not in my world. Just like when I decided to give up meat, it was the build up of information I received prior to that, that allowed me to eduction myself enough to make a conscious decision and it’s the same when it comes to sex. I’ve lived blinded from the age of 16 when I lost my virginity to 28 when I stopped giving it up so easily. I kissed many boys (as you do when you’re young), dated endlessly in my 20’s and experienced variations of – sleeping with a guy because I had too much alcohol, to, having sex thinking that was The One – and everything in between. But one thing I didn’t realise was the lasting effects that having intercourse has and the factors that are beyond what we can see/recognise, that play an equally big part to why we shouldn’t hand it to guys on a plate. These include – energy exchange, DNA, dark entities, allergies and the obvious one STD’s, which are all important factors that go untalked about as we plod through our lives.
Did you know that when you have sex with someone you stay energetically attached to them for up to 6 years? WOW!! Just think of all the people that you’ve slept with in the last 5 years and how much energetic debris is lingering around in your aura. Not to mention dark entities that could of jumped from them to you, that may explain any unexpected low feelings, binge drinking, anger or sadness. You just don’t know what the other person is carrying around with them. And this is exactly why I’ve not been giving it up so easily over the last few years. That, and the fact that we live in a masculine world that is no longer serving us. Men rule whether we know it or not and their reign has gotten us to this point in evolution, but it’s now time for women to find themselves, drop into their Goddess energy, harmonise the planet and nurture men to be the Gods that they are so capable of. But this can’t happen if women are unconsciously having sex willy nilly (for whatever reason) and we continue living this way. Wouldn’t we love for all men to be real men? Caring, honest, loyal, sensitive and romantic, yet strong logical providers that hold a loving space for us regardless whether they’re single, married, divorced or celibate. Yet if we keep surrendering to their trouser brain mentality, we’ll be stuck in this pickle forever. Can you see where I’m going with it?
Taking control and not giving in to your sexual desires (and their sexual desires) can have ripple effects far beyond what you can even imagine. Ok, so it won’t solve all of the world problems, but it will definitely assist the work that’s being done already – with people generally starting to care more for themselves, each other and the planet. And it will 100% help men understand the difference between their downstairs brain and their real brain on a subconscious level, so that (if anything else) they treat us better. Women need to become the non egoic leaders. We are mentally and physically strong with untapped capabilities far beyond what we know and together we can help make that difference, one small conscious decision at a time.
I’ve been wanting to have a yoni steam since mid last year, so when Claire Stone from Sacred Yoni Steam UK posted on Facebook that she was holding a special Bespoke Yoni Steam event, I jumped at the chance. For those not familiar with a yoni steam, it’s a vaginal steam that can help with things like painful periods, increasing fertility and Fibroids, aswell as removing the energy of past partners and healing the repression that we’re born into as women. The event took place at Claire’s home where she created a cosy candle lit healing space, with an Archangel Michael crystal grid. We gave her our intentions prior to the evening so she could make up a special blend of herbs which we sat over for 30mins whilst meditating on what we wanted to let go of and new things that we wanted to welcome in. The main reason I wanted to experience a steam was to remove the energy of past partners, as I’d heard that when a man orgasms inside of you, his energy can stay with you for years afterwards. But because Claire said the more intentions the better, I wrote a list based on what I’d like help with on this current stage of my inner peace journey.
Remove energy of past partners, Self acceptance/love, To feel more grounded, Help maintaining the feeling of happiness, Clear stagnant energy in my womb, Prepare my womb for pregnancy, Unblock my root chakra, Allow clear vision so that I can decide the next stages of my job/life purpose.
The morning of my steam I came on my period and Claire said that in her research it stated that it’s not recommended to steam whilst menstruating, but it didn’t specify why. I had a look online and there was no reason stating it was dangerous so I decided to go ahead and do it with Claire’s authorisation: I am now so glad that I made that decision. There was something so beautiful and scared about having a steam on my moon, as I sat bum to chair whilst the herbs worked on clearing/setting my intentions. Earlier that day my friend joked around saying ‘I’m sure your womb won’t fall out into the pan go and have it done’ and she was so right, it felt so special and far from dangerous.
It was the next 36 hours that things began to change. During the yoni steam I started to get anxiety which lasted for the next 24 hours. Anxiety is something that I suffer from, and despite the yoni steam experience and the beautiful space Claire created, once my anxiety comes on there’s no stopping it. So when I got home I pretty much went straight to bed. After afew hours I woke up to empty my moon cup (another thing I wanted to try for ages and bought whilst at Claire’s) but couldn’t sleep, so I decided to look up a song I’d heard on Classic FM earlier that day. The song is called Parce Mihi Domine by The Hilliard Ensemble and Jan Garabeck and I was so moved by this piece of music, that I had it on repeat all weekend. But there was something about this song and how it was working with the yoni steam experience that really got me. Each time I listened to the song it felt like the sounds were healing my body and working with the effects of the steam. It was almost as if the sound of each instrument wrapped gently around each of my (letting go) intentions and dissolved them into peace and love. It was truly magical and quite a profound experience. By the time it got to Sunday night my anxiety had gone, I felt lighter, present and more grounded and as I brushed my teeth before bed I laughed at how amazingly happy I felt.
Also over the course of the weekend, aswell as crying alot whilst listening to the song doing a hell of alot of releasing, I had many realisations and epiphany moments about life. But the two biggest things that I realised were that, being on my moon was a time to go deeper into myself not just a simple cleanse of the body. And that a deep transformation can happen when you least expect it.
P.s. If anyone would like to get in contact with Claire about a steam (I highly recommend) here are her Facebook details – Sacred Yoni Steam UK and Claire’s Crystal Cavern. She also sells crystals, jewellery, moon cups and yoni eggs.
The deepest form of conditioning….
Are those working hard, 40 hrs a week, to fulfil somebody else’s dream?
Only having 1 or 2 holidays a year?
Finding enjoyment in alcohol?
Having little time to do the things they really enjoy?
Who think that’s just the way life is?
Well it isn’t, slavery still exits.
SMALL CHANGES MATTER…..
Figure out your dreams,
Decide how you spend your days,
Recycle, reuse, regift and stop wasting,
With the money saved…..
Take one day off a month,
spending it how you like,
doing things that make you happy,
working towards your dreams.
YOUR journey starts now.
I was approached by a couple the other day after they heard (through a friend) about my journey and what I believe in – a self healing journey that leads to a soulmate relationship. I was deeply moved by the couples commitment to each other and their willingness to deepen the relationship, after recently admitting that things weren’t working out. It was so brave of them to come out and say this after being together 2.5years, but the biggest thing that shocked me, was the fact that they could identify with their problems and be honest with themselves enough to say let’s try work it out. The couple went on to say that their relationship had reached great difficulties, they’d lost their connection due to arguments and Chris (not his real name but the husband) had started to look to other women for attention. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard and witnessed relationships like this – including my own past relationships. So often we enter into a relationship and things are great for awhile. Then when our hormones rebalance (after spending months synced in deep lust) and the intensity of the connection begins to wane, we fine ourselves stressed and arguing over irrelevant little things.
I feel the reason why this happens in so many relationships, is because we haven’t yet dealt with issues from our past. I discovered somewhere near the start of my deep healing (after unraveling who I really am) that there were 2-3 root causes that drove all of my behaviour. These root causes were responsible for my moods, character, ability to love, trust, work, approach to money, insecurities, happiness, who I chose to be with…..EVERYTHING, even down to the clothes I wore each day. But what I also realised is that every one of my root causing problems stemmed from my childhood and after a little more digging/unraveling, some were even ancestral patterns passed down which no longer serve me in todays modern world. What a discovery! Everything that we experience as children (good or not so good), builds our character, defines us and shapes us into the adult that we are today. And when we fail to make a conscious effort to heal our past (whether traumatic or mini school) our issues eventually resurface, preventing us from being able to sort out relationship problems amicably; hence why Chris and Angela can’t get past the difficulties within their relationship. Our past well and truly determines our future.
Through Chris and Angela’s story it has made me realise that, as difficult as this healing inner peace journey is, it’s one of the best things that I’ve ever done. I now feel peaceful and secure inside, where before there was sadness. I now know who I really am and what my soul looks like. I’ve reached new depths of love within my being and it’s only now that I can resume my soulmate search.