Honour and Receive
This morning my mind pondered over random experiences and situations throughout my adult life, where I exchanged open dialog with friends and family members. Some things were funny, some painful and other situations that had made me angry, but one thing that I realised, was that I’ve not always been able to honour and receive comments that I deemed painful or judgement to me. What I mean by this is, sometimes when a person has told me something that felt like a puncture to my heart or ego, I wasn’t able to receive the information correctly because I felt upset, hurt or angry. No matter how they delivered it (whether nicely or from their ego or hurt) the information would always have been the same. But the way I received it would of depended on afew different things, such as – how critical is was, what dent it left in my ego and how rubbish it made me feel. If someone is telling me something for my best interest and I can’t receive their words (without responding from my ego to protect my heart), then how can I fully understand what they’re trying to tell me. Here’s a good example of this….I was having a conversation with a close friend last night and he said, from what I know of you, I’m not sure you’re ready to give the right man what is needed from you to have a good relationship. Now afew years ago (or even months) I would of interrupted him before he’d finshed and fired back something with alittle attitude to proetect my crushed (omg I’m not good enough) feelings. But instead, I just sat listened and agreed, as I knew that he was right. I was able to do this because, in my own time I’d already came to this realisation some months before (through the inner healing that I’m doing) and because I’m learning how to truly listen, honour and receive what I’m being told. It’s a difficult situation to be in and equally difficult to do, but now that I’m able to pratise this, something truly beautiful is able to unfold. I’m able to know what it feels like to listen from calmness within and have the time to hear what is being said. I can internalise the words and respond from a place of stillness. And I can honour that persons courage to speak their truth and deliver words that will help me in the present moment or in the future.
Honour and receive can play out in all aspects of life and any form of relationship, whether it be with a brother/sister/parent, a shop assistant or stranger and even with a not so nice work collegue or a new date. No matter what is being said plesant or hurtful, by each person(s) reciprocating the act of ‘Honour and Receive’ life changing patterns, feelings and behaviours can begin to transpire.
I’m Not Enough
After taking some time out from dating to find myself alittle more and go deeper uncovering who I really am, I’ve now decided to start dating again. I’ve been talking to one guy exchanging lots of What’s App messages and now we’ve been on a date, he’s started to pay me quite afew compliments. Last night and this morning he wrote things like ‘You’re really beautiful’ and ‘I’m really glad I’ve met you, you’re gorgeous’, but I seem to be internally rejecting his niceness. After doing soooo much work on myself over the last few months, how can I have gone backwards and now not feel comfortbale receiving nice comments. It’s such a shock to know that I feel this way. I never used to have a problem receiving compliments, in fact they made me feel good, happy inside, justified that I was a nice person, was loved and socially accepted. But after soul searching, I’ve realised that the core of my problems, the issue that drives all of my behaviours, the layer beneath the layer that was fine with accepting compliments, is an ‘I don’t feel good enough’ layer. And to top it off, his compliments are making me feel physically uncomfortable inside. WOW!! What a realisation!! I didn’t even know that I felt this way about myself. It’s easy to say ‘Of course I love myself’ but its another thing to truly feel it and believe it at the core of all your programming. Underneath my layer of being ok with nice comments, was a little girl who didn’t feel that she was enough. I know that all of this comes from childhood stuff, but the realisation is still a shock. I didn’t have a bad childhood, but what I picked up in my early years of understanding myself, musn’t have been good.
I feel though that this isn’t a step backwards, but a step forwards to becoming whole. In my world 2 wholes equal 1. Both people entering into a relationship need to be whole in order to have a beautifully deep connected soulmate relationship. I’m on my way to finding true love and with alittle bit more work, I’ll heal another part of me.
I’m having my morning herbal tea after my 4 minute meditation at 11.11am. Each morning I do a meditation to send prayers out to the world. This war needs to stop, innocent lives need to be saved. Drop into your heart and pray for the world if its the only positive thing you remember to do today.
And secondly, dream until your dreams come true #dontstopdreaming
I watched a film called Divergent over the weekend and thought this quote from Four was so true. In every day life we let fear stop us from doing so many things.
We often feel fear out of the fear of being judged. Let’s inspire each other, think twice about judging others and be open to all thoughts, actions and opinions. If you stop judging others, they’ll stop judging you and we’ll all be free to act without fear. We’re all good enough 💜
Sometimes you don’t realise that you’re in a rut until you take yourself out of it. Recently I’ve felt abit stuck, in life, work, everything and knew that I needed to go on a plane, but for months I put it off. Not so long back I used to fly every second or third month, but for some reason I was working myself up about choosing the right time to drop everything and go. It’s only when I did finally go, that I realised that I was stuck in a rut. The energy wasnt flowing and the blocked energy in my body and in my house was keeping me from being able to make that decision.
My advice to everyone is to make some time for ‘you’ where you can think and see clearly. Go away for afew days alone so you can rest, re-energise and recalibrate. Don’t go searching for company or go out of loneliness, go because you want some you time and a chance for your spirit to catch up with your physical body. Seek out the nature and go to the country, the beach or a forest. You’ll come back a truly different person. Sometimes we build so much chaos and stress around us that we can’t see what we’ve created until we step out of in. And if you want change, often you can’t see a way out until you step outside of life. Don’t make anymore excuses and go make it happen. It will change your life.
I made this quote whilst on the beach last week, reflecting on the past few months.
This came to me after I was sat on the beach the other day. I had many realisations just sat looking out at the ocean and reading my book. In a single trip to the beach I realised many different aspects of life, myself and others. I left the beach a deeper version of me.
I wrote this poem when I realised that for so many years I fell into a depressive mentality when the nights grew shorter and winter set in. Afew days ago I woke up to this and changed how I look at winter and ever since I’ve felt uplifted; even now it’s dark by 5pm. I hope this can inspire others to change how they think about winter.
Do we ever expose who we truly are? Do we even know who we truly are? Do we know what we truly believe in? Do we know what we truly like?
The older I get and the more I learn, the more I realise that we’re all peeping out at the world. Our true self hiding encaged within our bones. Why are we afraid to be ourself? Is it in fear of judgement? If we all were to be ourselves and understood each other’s pain, surely no one would judge.
As each day passes by, I discover more of who I really am. I’m going inward, not outward. I ask myself who am I, where am I, what am I….the answer is always love. But it’s took me 30yrs and the last 4 years of constant digging, unravelling and shifting, to understand my true essence. Each day I drop deeper and deeper into my divine feminine energy, able to walk taller as a beautiful Goddess. I am removing my mask for all to see. These have been the hardest 4 years, but the happiest. I feel happy. I feel free.
Trust in the magic of life. Even if you don’t know where you’re heading, trust that all is happening in the right order and that you’re exactly where you’re suppose to be, doing exactly what you’re meant to be doing 💜