Helping the world love
I feel I must write today and afew things have been pondering in my mind. So my questions to everyone out there, is – Would people benefit from (Spiritual) ‘Life School’ and ‘Marriage School’ ?
As I walk this earth I’m discovering sleeping souls, lost souls and souls looking for more. My passion lies in helping people build loving relationships, but to have a truly connected loving relationship, first we must discover self. Life school will guide people on how to tap into their inner being/happiness and how all aspects of ‘self’ fits into todays world. It will be support, love and guidance for individuals who no longer want to wear the mask of life. Marriage school will be for couples preparing to walk the journey together, side by side, for as long as their journey lasts. It will prepare and aid them mentally and emotionally, help them explore the reality of ‘forever’ and delve into the transition of ‘being in love’ to ‘loving someone‘. I feel so many people don’t really know themselves, then enter into a relationship in the hope that the kids, house and successful career will keep their relationship together.
I want the world to be in love – first with self, then with each other.
Spiritual and Single
I’ve been single the best part of 6-7 years and could write a best selling book on my love life over that time. There’s really not much that I haven’t done and I would go as far to say that I’ve had a pretty exciting life in the process. I’ve dated handfuls of guys along the way and had an amazing 18 month uncommitted love romance, but yet I still haven’t had an actual boyfriend in years. Why is this? I don’t think I’m unattractive, I don’t have any problems conversing and I don’t live in the middle of nowhere, where there’s no men around. So why have I been single all this time? Well, for the first 2 years, I absolutely loved being single. I had no one to answer to, I moved to Spain and I could actually have guy friends without getting the third degree from my unhinged ex. I felt free and had endless amounts of fun with my friends. I dated until it came out of my ears and sometimes went on a date just because I could – A girls got to eat right? (that used to be my motto). I went on dates just for the hell of it, but in the back of my mind I did hope to meet that special someone – which girl wouldn’t.
The second phase of my single period I decided that it was time start properly looking. I wanted to settle down, I missed cuddles and having that special someone around. Nights in alone, no one to share my bed with and no one to hold hands with as I walked the streets wasn’t something I wanted to do anymore. It was time to start looking, so I decided to join afew dating sites. I looked high and low but as I was looking, experiencing and dating, I was growing, learning and changing. The more I dated the more I realised who I didn’t want, but who was it that I was looking for? Which man did I really want? I went on site after site, date after date, become reacquainted with long lost flings and had my eye open for every potential opportunity of meeting my future life partner; but still it seemed like a distant dream. At the same time as gaining the experience, my soul was beginning to awaken. Side by side I was searching for love, but starting to discover self-love. It felt like the more I looked the further away the dream become. How was that possible? Surely I should be closer than ever after exhausting so many avenues, surely the one that I’ve been searching for should be right around the corner. But the more I started to awaken, the more unconscious behaviour in guys became unattractive. I started to really understand what type of man I wanted, because I started to understand who I really was as a person, what I really liked and what I really believed in. The more I fell into myself, the more looking for my perfect guy was like looking for a needle in a hay stack. I wanted it all – the ambitious successful business man, middle-aged, wise, humble, down to earth, good dress sense, well-groomed, had a nice car/house, liked to travel, was kind, had a big heart, was loving, had good morals, wanted to have a family, respected others (and himself) – the list really was endless. But one thing I couldn’t do was settle for something less than what I wanted.
The third phase of my single life is playing out right now and it’s the me that’s fully conscious who is looking for love. I live my days as a Spiritual 30yr old, who is healing everyday, constantly going deep and still longing for than special someone. I’ve read lots of articles saying that women (and men) shouldn’t be so fussy, we shouldn’t have long lists and demands. But as a conscious female wanting to commit, I feel that rule only applies to those who are still asleep (not Spiritually awakened). How can I possibly settle for something I only half want, something less that I deserve or compromise on half of my desires because someone not living my life said I shouldn’t be so fussy? Over the last 2-3 years, time and time again I hear of people in relationships that aren’t happy, see a rise in divorce rates and men and women cheating because they’re dissatisfied. Are these the people that settled in the hope that things would be ok down the line? Maybe so, but this isn’t something that I’m prepared to do. I know in my heart that the love that I have in side and the work that I have done on myself, will be reciprocated in some way shape or form by the man of my dreams – the man that I am holding out for. I don’t just want the mediocre relationship that ends with us existing in the same house having grown apart. I don’t want to become 2 strangers living side by side under one roof who only have sex once a month. I want that spark, that chemistry, that romance from the beginning right the way through. I want the laughter, the passion and the deep connection. Do I believe all this is all possible? Hell yes, and this is what I will not settle for until I find it. I believe this is all possible and more, when two awakened compatible hearts find one another. I’m a big believer of divine timing, but how could I know what I really wanted without embarking on the journey of experience, self discovery, learning and growth. If I didn’t move to Marbella how would I have got what I needed out of my system and know that I didn’t want to be a Sugarbabe. If I didn’t find myself, how would I know who I really was and the depths of love I’d like to share with my future partner. And if I didn’t take the plunge and travel the world, how would I know that I’d like my ideal man to also like travelling, be humble and be business minded.
It’s a tough but exciting life being Spiritual and single. At times it’s frustrating and lonely but most of the time I feel excited knowing that the relationship I desire and more, is out there waiting for me. This blog is to share my journey on the path of finding myself, right through to finding ‘the one’ and experiencing blissful states of happiness within a relationship. I can’t wait to share more of my journey with you as it unfolds.
Until next time….xXx
The Change and The Benefits
The reason I’m writing this post isn’t necessarily to share my awakening (although it helps), I’ll share more of that in another post. It’s to share with you when I started to change and how much physical change has happened since then. Once you awaken, everything starts to shift. The more you learn and heal the more you expand and that’s what happened to me, and is continuing to happen, constantly. I’m forever expanding my consciousness. Anyway here’s exactly when I began to change, what changed and how it’s all affected me.
Looking back over the last 4 years, I’ve changed so much. Everything has change – my eating habits, thoughts, actions, behaviour, outlook on life, my goals and that’s just to name afew, but the catalyst of change started in January 2011. This January was like no other January. The month before, I’d just returned from a 6week trip to the USA and I came back to what felt like an almightly Christmas stress. I’d planed to cancel Christmas, but the guilt took over me so I rushed round last minute buying presents. It sure didn’t feel like a time for celebration, I felt exhausted. And that’s exactly what it was – I was suffering from exhaustion. I spent the days over Christmas in bed with Tonsillitus then managed to drag myself out for NYE which turned out to be a huge mistake and delayed my recovery. The one thing I wanted to do was feel well and happy enough to party with me friends, so I took a pill and waited all night for it to kick in, but my immune system had other plans and must have dumped it straight into the exit waste pile. The days of my recover wasn’t the usual lazing in bed watching tv waiting to get better, but was accelerated thought processes and mind boggling questions. Within 24hours of my mind first thinking a thought or situation, I picked it apart, figured out every angle or solution, travelled through a couple of dimensions for extra comprehensive knowledge, then by the next day I’d process all the information wore the hat and got the tshirt (for that particular situation or thought). I couldn’t quite believe what was happening and how fast my mind was working. I started reading too, which was also strange because I hadn’t picked up a book since high school (9 years prior). I was reading a book every week or 2 until March. Before than I didn’t think I could actually read properly. I remember saying to my friend Maria, what’s happening to me, I feel like I’m going out my mind. How was it possible to process so much information so fast, I just wanted it to end. She reassured me that everything was fine, that I was going through a Spiritual Awakening and that it wouldn’t last for long. But it felt like I couldn’t take even one more day of it. At the time I was staying with a friend but we didn’t seem to be gelling so well. I didn’t know how to handle situations anymore. Why couldn’t I just be normal. Shortly after my recovery I packed my bags and drove down to stay with a friend down south to clear my head. All I wanted to do was walk in the country, be at one with natural and clear my thoughts….which is exactly what I did.
THE JOURNEY TO VEGANISM. I stopped eating meat when I started researching the life of a chicken and how they were treated; being injected with steroids, pumped with water and washed in acid. I started to realise that all of that combined is enough to cause illness over time, so decided to give up meat once and for all in January 2014. Once upon a time I couldn’t live without meat, but things changed and my meat eating habits didn’t get left behind.
BENEFITS – When I ate meat I often felt heavy and tired after meals, but since cutting meat out of my diet I feel lighter and much less heavy within my physical body.
LOW CARBS NO CARBS. I was so used to eating until I was full and filling my plate with meat, pasta and not much veg, that I didn’t realise what it was doing to me until I stopped. I constantly had a 6 month pregnant looking belly which I constantly had to hold in, but once I significantly reduced my carb intake my stomach went down and the bloating and gassiness stopped. After eating a plate full of carbs, I’d often feel bloated and tired and just wanted to sleep, but that doesn’t happen anymore. Even when I now have the odd bit of pizza or bread I still feel ok, because of the reduction of carbs in my daily diet overall. If I fancy carbs now, I’ll eat good carbs like sweet potato and if I want to eat bread or pasta, I have gluten free.
BENEFITS – Bloating significantly reduced
GROWING YOUR OWN. I started growing my own organic veg earlier this year, which was the best decision of my life. I’ve almost finished my first year growing and can’t tell you how different food tastes when you eat super fresh – most of the time going from ground to plate within 1 hour. Everything tastes naturally sweet and juicy. I don’t use pesticides, just seeds, water and manure and see what grows. I’ve had an amazing first year harvest of – potatoes, onions (both so easy to grow), broad beans, green beans, carrots, 6 types of lettuce, yellow courgette, kohl rabi, brussell sprouts, raddish, garlic and probably afew more things I’ve missed off. Sure it might be abit of hard work, but between afew people its a doddle (btw I did all the above by myself). I feel the nutrients have definietly boosted my immune system aswell as the no pesticides or preservatives, and being out in nature has 100% helped my mood, anxiety and energy levels. When I’m not eating what I’m growing, I shop mostly at a vegan organic supermarket. Something’s can be expensive, but because I don’t have the expense of meat, I don’t see an increase in my shopping bill. You can trust that all the food has been grown as natural as possible and there’s also lots of gluten free goodies and healthy chocolate snacks to choose from.
Some of the veg I grew this year.
A healthier option of chocolate biscuit from Unicorn
EXERCISE IS NOW A MUST. The one thing we often forget is that our physical body is a machine. The way it functions isn’t too dissimilar from a car and any other piece of machinery. A car works best when you give it a good run on the motorway and I’ve realised after 30 years on the planet that our bodies work in the same way. I’ve always exercised (as I’m dance trained) but never really felt that buzz after a gym session until recently. I always hated gym kind of exercising and didn’t feel at all energized afterwards. Infact if I felt depressed before exercising, I still felt depressed after. But since being on my ‘journey’ and regularly giving my valves a good blow out on the treadmill, I feel the benefits of keeping fit. I never get ill anymore (I used to always have a cold), I survive quite easily on 6-7 hours sleep per night and feel more motivated to do things.
BOTTLED WATER replaced tap water. After hearing stories about tap water and smelling the sometimes chemical stench coming from my taps, I decided to stop drinking tap water. I heard about the Fluoride and traces of the pill hormone being in the water supply and decided to drink bottled water instead. Combined with the other changes I’ve made, I’ve noticed that my creativity and energy has blossomed and is continuing to accelerate. If Fluoride calcifies the Pineal gland which lowers your creativity and mine has gone up since not drinking tap water, I’m definitely a believer of the stories. I’ve started doing all sorts of creative things, like, making meaningful cards, restoring furniture, waering funkier clothes that I like, writing and giving my friends angel cards readings. Some of this will be linked to the awakening in general but I have to dedicate a part to this to the fact that I’ve cut tap water out of my fluid in take.
LOW SUGAR NO SUGAR. The suagr addiction has to be the hardest thing I’ve had to kick. I used to easily eat 3-4 chocolate bars per day, drink fizzy drinks, have 2 teaspoons of sugar in my hot choccie and consumed any other food or drink containing sugar on a daily basis. But after picking up bits of info here and there about how harmful refined sugars are, bit by bit my sugar intake reduced, until now. To date in the last 5 weeks I’ve had 2 slices of sugar free/gluten free cake, one slice of Oreo cheesecake (full sugar) and 3/4 of a packet of ginger nuts. I’m still battling with it so I’m sure I’ll lapse again here or there, but one thing I’ve noticed about not eating as much sugar, is that my moods are most definitely my own. My moods aren’t influenced as much by my sugar highs and lows and my energy levels are very consistent. No more spikes and drops throughout the day. It’s all me.
ORGANIC BEAUTY. Over the last 12-18months I’ve tried to stick to natural beauty and hygiene products so that I’m not putted unnecessary chemicals and metals in my body. When I can, I use a natural crystal deodrant rather than a spray or roll on. I stopped wearing foundation (years ago) and now concentrate on what I put into my body, aswell as daily cleansing, toning and moisturising. If I compare my skin to how it used to be (baring in mind that I’m ageing also) my skin has never been better. I don’t feel the need to wear make all the time and only put alittle on if I’m going out – I go au naturale. Soon I’ll start using natural make up products instead of Bobby Brown, when I can find the right shades and ingredients etc. To wash my skin I’ve swapped Radox for natural soaps and an organic tea tree face wash from Holland and Barrett and only use products like Radox if my natuaral soap runs out. To moisturize I now use virgin coconut oil and an aloe vera cream from Forever Living for my face. All of this combined has helped contribute to my internal body (although I can’t see it) operate in it’s natural way. I can’t describe how I know this but I can just feel it.
NO MORE PILLS. I stopped taking the contraception pill around 2 years ago. I wasn’t dating or seeing anyone and I didn’t want to put artificial hormones into my body any longer. I feel as though my body wasn’t my own when I was on the pill, almost as if the pills were dictating how I was acting and how I felt. Now I know that how I’m feeling is how I’m feeling and it’s all coming from me. I’ve also stopped taking tablets like paracetamol, as I don’t get as many headaches but if I do I use it as an indicator and my bodies way of telling me something isn’t quite right.
NO RELAXER NO SHAMPOO. I decided to stop relaxing my hair after hearing a story by Dr. Akilah (a homepathic doctor) who said that when black women die, their skull often looks like it’s been beaten because of the relaxer burning the skin. I know that when I used to have my hair relaxed it would sting like crazy which couldn’t have been good because as it meant that (however small) the chemicals where entering an open cut in my head – RIGHT NEXT TO MY BRAIN. That couldn’t possibly have been good for me, so the relaxer went out the window and I seen my natural afro hair for the first time in 15 years. And I love it. Recently I’ve stopped using shampoo, after pondering about tribe people who live in the jungle having luscious hair and not using shampoo. Aswell as the fact that I’m now advised to buy Sulphate Free shampoo, which indicates shampoo isn’t any good for the hair. So I took the second biggest plunge and stopped washing my hair around 4 months ago. I now only wash my hair with homemade conditioner maybe once every 2 months and for the rest of the time I treat it like a plant. I water it every few days with a good soak under the shower and feed it with oils such as Jojoba, Coconut and Castor oil that I mix togther in a bottle with vitamin E and aloe vera. My hair has grown around 9-10 inches in 18months and my aim is to see if it will grown another 10 inches within the next 2 years.
Homemade conditioner (Avocado, Shea butter, Olive oil and Apple Cider Vinegar)
All of these changes combined (as well as other things like meditation) have allowed me to strip back to the real me and become natural again. It’s not easy undoing everything I’ve ever known, but it feels so amazing. The only reason I used to do or use all of these things was to cover how I was really feeling, make me look prettier (or so I thought), make things last longer and because that’s all I was taught. But day by day I’m learning how to understand my body, what it needs and whats good for it, to support me on my journey of healing, love and exploration through the world.